Have you ever stopped to listen to your internal dialogue?

The words we tell ourselves are important, and oddly enough, I’ve seen an apple (yes, the fruit) prove it.

Positive things can come from weeks of home quarantine with a 5-year old boy. As a full-time professional Matchmaker and a mom, I’ve been searching high and low for ways to entertain and stimulate my very curious son. Enter: a science experiment that was as fun for my son as its outcome was beneficial for my clients.

The experiment:
1. Take a fresh apple and cut it in half.
2. Place both halves in airtight containers and place away from sunlight.
3. Every day, speak positively to one apple half, and negatively to the other.

Sounds odd, but anything to keep things interesting when you're stuck at home, right? And the outcome was definitely interesting...after a week, the negative half was rotting and the positive half was still fresh! (Yes, really!)

How does this apple experiment translate to love?

As a matchmaker and date coach, I often ask my clients about their internal dialogue when it comes to love and dating, and about self-talk in an area of their life that they perceive is successful.

A real-life example: I worked with a prominent attorney in her late 30s. She wanted a healthy and committed relationship, marriage, and kids. When I asked her how she talks to herself about love and dating, her response was, “I have never thought about that.”

I asked her to keep a journal for a week and take note of how she talks to herself about love and dating, and about how she talks to herself concerning work. When we met the following week, here is what she reported:

• Internal talk about love and dating:

  • I am terrible at dating and picking quality men
  • I hate and am nervous about first dates
  • I always wonder if men find me attractive

• Internal talk about work:

  • I am one of the best attorneys at my firm
  • I am going to win X case
  • I work hard and it pays off

I asked her if she recognized the difference in how she talks to herself about work versus how she talks to herself about love. Lightbulb moment. She was shocked at the stark difference in internal dialogue between two important parts of her life.

Whatever we focus on correlates heavily with whether we succeed or fail. We worked together to start changing the internal dialogue. Over time, she felt a tangible, positive difference in her dating life which soon after translated to finding a happy relationship!

Take this time of quarantine to reflect. And if you have an extra apple, cut it in half and see for yourself the power of your words. Change your mind and change your life!