Single people today are constantly bombarded with dating rules to follow, and many would say they find it overwhelming. One could always feel that there could have been another trick or another rule they could have followed to make a relationship succeed. Consequently, dating rules often hinder the dating experience. Maybe that’s really the reason relationships commonly fail. Maybe it means that some of the most widely obeyed rules, including the following, are meant to be broken.
1) Be unavailable and distant.
“Let the other person contact you more!” This rule tries to create scarcity. It’s designed to make your date think you’re more desirable because you’re in higher demand, have higher status, and less time available for him/her. This will come back to bite you because the partners you want are being pursued by other people. This is especially true now because online dating has provided us with an exponentially higher number of potential matches.
The truth is that you will actually lose out on someone great by being too unavailable.
2) Be brutally honest about who you are; if he/she doesn’t like it, it’s their loss.
This is a rule of a different extreme. When you meet a new friend or professional acquaintance, do you immediately bombard them with every aspect of your personality and beliefs? You don’t. You practice tact and, while also being honest, highlight your most desirable attributes. How you present yourself in dating shouldn’t be different than how you act when beginning any other kind of new relationship. Over time, you will be happier that you’ve revealed your true and honest self at a more natural pace.
3) Avoid all vulnerability and you won’t get hurt.
Many of us view vulnerability incorrectly - we believe that being vulnerable in dating means exposing all our deepest secrets to a complete stranger and wearing our weaknesses on our sleeves. That is simply a distortion common in today’s dating culture.
Becoming vulnerable to someone should be a process of giving a little, getting a little.
Giving a little at first could mean sharing a funny story about your family, not necessarily divulging about your parents’ messy divorce. The only way you can make a meaningful connection is when both parties exchange in some form of vulnerability.
4) Dating is a numbers game.
“Go on as many dates as possible to improve your odds of finding the right person.” No. Not only is following this rule a waste of your time and money, but it’s also bad for your ego and self esteem because you will inevitably experience more rejection and a lower rate of success.
Instead, it pays off to choose who you date more carefully and intentionally.
Vetting and then choosing the right kinds of people to date will increase your chances of finding a fruitful relationship. It’s likely that your attempts at being perfectly calculated or being too afraid to invest any real emotions has prevented you from being in a fulfilling relationship. Maybe it’s time to take the rules out of the equation. Try to approach dating like you were (hopefully!) taught to be towards all people: Be confident, be considerate, be mindful, and be yourself. Injecting your true self into dates with quality partners will undoubtedly pay higher, more worthwhile dividends.
