At Three Day Rule, we often see our clients make the same mistakes when they first come to us searching for love. Whether it is being inflexible in your dating approach or being attracted to the wrong type of partner, here are the three most common behaviors you should avoid to increase your chances of finding a mate:
The “I want it all” syndrome. Yes, we have all heard about how Amy Webb hacked online dating and found true love by creating a list of 72 requirements that she needed in her ideal man. In fact, maybe she even inspired you to create your own long laundry list of attributes that you absolutely need in a partner. Because you believe that you deserve the best (and we couldn’t agree more), you won’t consider anyone outside of your pre-defined criteria. Sound like you? The truth is that having such an impossibly long list of “must-haves” seriously limits your options. Remember that the best partner for you does NOT mean he/she is perfect. At Three Day Rule, we spend a lot of time helping clients break free from this pattern and hone in on their ideal type by learning about their past relationships, behavioral patterns, and personal preferences. Our experience has proven that singles who take the time to 1) reflect on their needs and 2) develop insights on what type of partner will bring them a lifetime of happiness are most successful in finding a mate that is right for them. Research has shown that the most successful professionals are those who relentlessly prioritize. The same ethos should be applied to your search for love. In the long run, prioritization of your needs will help you find your better half.
Judging a book by its cover. We’re all guilty of it to some extent. As humans, we are hard-wired to focus on the superficial, especially when we are meeting people for the first time. The type of profession someone is in, the clothes that they are wearing, the car that they are driving – these are all factors that initially color our judgment of a prospective mate. Ask yourself: Five years from now, will a mate with a thick head of hair still seem sexy if he has no interest in taking out the trash or sharing child-rearing duties? Will a trophy wife with the to-die-for Angelina Jolie-esque lips still interest you if she can’t stimulate you outside of the bedroom? Don’t lose perspective and focus on the more important things like shared interests and common values. Removing the initial barriers you have set for yourself (Must be over 6 feet! No balding men! Only lawyers or doctors!) opens up more possibilities for you to say ‘yes’ to a first date.
Falling for the wrong type. Albert Einstein pretty much summed this one up when he astutely wrote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” You may be someone that somehow finds yourself attracted to those who are selfish, treat you poorly, have commitment issues, or are emotionally unavailable. The first step to overcoming this is to recognize that this pattern exists. Only after you become aware of your tendencies can you make a conscious effort to avoid these types of people. Also, pay close attention to how your friends and family react to the people that you choose to date. If they consistently show hesitation or disapproval towards your choice of partners, this is usually a red flag. Your loved ones know you best and want nothing more than for you to be happy, so don’t underestimate the value of their opinions.
The best part of falling in love is finding a partner that values you, adores all the things you love about yourself, and accepts you despite your flaws. Does your mate make you laugh, bring out the best version of yourself, and have a generous heart? If you remain focused on shared interests and common values, you will be more easily able to find true love.
